Welcome to the museum of my mistakes

Tap a flag. Learn a lesson. Laugh, then leave.

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The Red Flag Collection

Each flag represents a lesson learned the hard way. Interactive exhibits for your emotional education.

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🎰

The Gambler

Risk assessment: Critical

He loved risk the way I loved potential: recklessly. His favorite bet? My patience. Every decision was a roll of the dice, except when it came to commitment—that was always snake eyes.

Risk Mitigation: If they "almost" changed last week, they'll "nearly" change forever. Set your own odds.
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🍻

The Party Animal

Availability: 3am only

He was a 3 a.m. poem and a 3 p.m. ghost. We danced around the truth until closing time, but sobriety was always the unwelcome third wheel.

Risk Mitigation: If the only quiet they offer is the silent treatment, go home early.
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🔗

The Kinkster

Boundaries: Negotiable (apparently)

He had a safe word for everything except honesty. Turns out my boundary issues were the real fetish. Power exchange without power balance is just exploitation with props.

Risk Mitigation: Curiosity is healthy; consent and clarity are sexier than any roleplay.
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🦥

The Human Sloth

Speed: Glacial

He moved slowly, but his excuses were lightning fast. Evolution takes time; your standards don't have to. I became his project manager instead of his partner.

Risk Mitigation: If you're always "circling back," you're managing a project, not dating a person.
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👁️

The Conspiracist

Reality: Optional

He saw patterns in clouds; I saw one in my dating history. When everything is a plot, intimacy never is. Trust requires shared reality, not shared delusions.

Risk Mitigation: If they argue with gravity, don't fall. Facts aren't flexible; feelings are.
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📅

The Polyamorist

Schedule: Always full

Many hearts, minimal scheduling skills. I didn't mind sharing until I realized I was sharing myself thin. Time allocation became emotional taxation.

Risk Mitigation: Poly works with agreements; without them, it's just emotional crowd control.
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🪞

The Narcissist

Perspective: Singular

Every conversation was a monologue with audience participation. I was the backup singer to his solo career. Empathy was a foreign language he refused to learn.

Risk Mitigation: If they can't see you, they definitely can't love you. Visibility is a prerequisite for intimacy.
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👻

The Ghoster

Status: Seen but not heard

Present until he wasn't. "Read" until he couldn't. Available until the moment you needed availability. Disappearing acts are impressive in magic shows, not relationships.

Risk Mitigation: Disappearing acts are magic tricks, not relationship skills. Consistency beats chemistry.
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🏃‍♂️

The One Who Got Away

My fault: Entirely

Perfect, kind, emotionally available—terrified me so much I ghosted myself. Sometimes the red flag is your own panic. Self-sabotage is still sabotage.

Risk Mitigation: If healthy feels foreign, that's trauma talking, not intuition. Therapy helps; avoidance doesn't.

Ready for the full carnage?

These are just the appetizers. The main course awaits in the full memoir.

Museum admission: free • Therapy: not included